NFL = No Fun League

Back when I was in middle school, the NFL started to be called the No Fun League because the league became über concerned about its brand and started cracking down on showboating players like Jim McMahon. Over the years players like Terrell Owens tried to liven up the game by spiking the ball on the Cowboys star or autographing footballs after a touchdown and the NFL predictably fined players and created new rules about player behavior least the game where grown men hit each other at breakneck speed appear too uncivilized.

It should have come as no surprise that the NFL decided postpone the Vikings-Eagles game because of a blizzard. Yet, I was stunned. Unlike baseball, football is played in any weather condition. I’m not a fan of either team, but I’ll tune into just about any game played in pouring rain or twelve inches snow. And since Sunday night is about the only time I have to watch football nowadays, I really would have relished a chance to watch an entire game taking place in blizzard-like conditions.

While the safety of fans and players should always be a concern, (hence I have no problem with them postponing a game because a stadium roof collapses) there comes a time when you have to treat people like adults and let them decide for themselves what level of risk they’re willing to take. Ticketholders who don’t want to brave the snow can give the tickets to someone else and watch the game from home. Buying tickets to an outdoor football game in Philadelphia comes with the risk of – gasp! – cold and snow.

Now that it’s painfully obvious that the No Fun League is run by a bunch of business people whose neckties have cut off circulation to their brains, don’t be surprised if more games get delayed because of snow. In fact don’t be surprised if more games are postponed because it’s raining, too hot, too cold, or too much wind. After all, the biggest game of the year be played in less than ideal conditions. Heaven forbid if regular season games are as well.

How to Play Real Football

This fall I’ve taken my kids to three college football games. One of the unintended consequences of this activity is that they think I don’t know a darn thing about how to play the game.

Take Saturday, for example. I take the kids to the park so we can play football. I divide everyone up into teams and hand the ball to my oldest kid. He gives me a quizzical look and hands the ball back to me.

“We can’t play yet,” he says.

“Why not?” I reply.

“Because we haven’t run out of the tunnel yet,” he says matter-of-factly.

Now it’s my turn to give him a quizzical look. “What are you talking about?”

“Before the game starts the players run out of the tunnel and you say what team you’re playing for.”

Now I get it. At the games I’ve taken them to, the teams run out of tunnels on the other side of the field. He wants to do the same thing.

“OK,” I say, “run out of the tunnel.

He and his brother run around the park and yell “Denver Broncos!” at the top of their lungs. They run back to me and I hand the ball to him.

“Hike the ball,” I said.

“We can’t Dad,” he said. “You haven’t run out of the tunnel yet.”

“I don’t need to—“

“All the teams run out of the tunnel,” he says. “Oh, and you’re the Indianapolis Colts.”

The Colts? I don’t want to be the Colts. I open my mouth to object but realize it could be worse. He could have asked me to be the Oakland Raiders.

So me and my daughter run around the field and let the world know we’re the Colts. When I get back to the ling of scrimmage the oldest hands me the ball.

“You start,” I tell him.

“No, Dad. You need to kick the ball to us.”

“What?”

“They kick the ball off to start the game,” he says as tosses me the ball.

The kickoff. How could I forget that?

I walk back to the goal line. My boys back up. I kick the ball over their heads. Laughing, they both run after it.  My oldest picks up the ball and I wrestle him to the ground. He jumps up and gets ready to hike the ball to his brother.

“We’re going to get a touchdown!” he says before hiking the ball.

Let the game begin.

The Perfect Game

Tonight was one of the most fun Super Bowl parties I’ve ever had, and it had nothing to do with the Saints 31-17 victory over the hapless Colts. What made it so special was, for the first time, my two oldest boys took an active interest in goings on before and during the game.

My 5 year old helped me make and decorate a cake (pictured above) along with making some sauce for my hot wings. My 4 year old watched the first and fourth quarters with me while updating me on scoring changes along with making comments after every play. (Why did he drop the ball, Dad? Hey, he just scored a touchdown!) And they both ate more food than was good for them.

The result after all was said and done was two happy boys and a happy dad who are looking forward to more moments like this in the days and years to come.

My Super Bowl XLIV Prediction

I'm really looking forward to this year’s Super Bowl party because of my oldest boys increasing interest in football. Ever since I took them to their first college football game last fall, they’ve become much more interested in watching it on TV. And though I think they’ll probably make it through the first quarter before going off to play with their cousins, I’m looking forward to watching at least part of it with them.

***

Yes, on paper the Saints/Colts matchup looks to be wildly entertaining, and I hope the game lives up to the hype. I’d love to watch a game with a dozen lead changes and last second touchdown to win the game.

But I don’t see it.

If anything I see a blowing coming—something we haven’t seen in the big game for many years. I’m rooting for the Saints to win because I have a soft place in my heart for the underdogs. Plus it’s nice to see them finally playing in the big game. But I think Peyton Manning and the gang have been here before. I think he’ll shred the Saints defense and have things nicely wrapped up by the third quarter.

My pick: Colts 44-17 but I’d rather watch a nail bitter—no matter who wins.

The Sports Kids Love

I was contemplating taking the kids to another college football game yesterday but a steady snowfall and temperatures in the 20s make me reconsider. Even though I would have loved to watch a game in the driving snow storm, I doubt the kids would have lasted past the first quarter. And since I want them to enjoy going to football games, it’s probably not a good idea to have them associate them with freezing temperatures and snow—at least until they’re old enough to want to do something like that. Instead we stayed home and played copious amounts of Chutes & Ladders, war, rogue chess, and many other card and board games. A good time was had by all.

Last weekend I took them to their first Utah Jazz game. This means in the last year or so they’ve attended a major league baseball game, college football game, and an NBA game. Aside from making them spoiled rotten, it’s been interesting to see how they act at different events and which ones they enjoy the most. For any parents in the crowd, here’s my take on how young kids (say, 6 and under) enjoy different sporting events.

Best: (college) football. There’s enough stoppage between plays that they can stand up and do whatever they want then focus their attention back on the field. And since most plays take up quite a bit of the field, there’s a lot to focus on. By the end of the game the boys understood the basics of the game and could read the scoreboard. (Read about the experience here.) And after watching a game in person, whenever we throw the football around the yard, they now want to play “real” (read: tackle) football. Final Weber State game is next Saturday. If the weather warms up, I’ll consider taking them.

Okay: baseball. The game is slow enough for them to follow the action while still act like kids and find all sorts of ways to entertain themselves during the breaks in the game. The problem is that when the action does occur, 90% of it takes place between the pitcher’s mound and home plate. It was hard for them to pay attention to that small area or watch the ball get thrown back and forth. They enjoyed it more when the bat and ball made contact. Will probably take them to a handful of minor league games next summer and see how they handle it.

Too soon: basketball. Despite row 7 seats, the Jazz game was too fast for them to follow. They got the concept of putting the ball in the hoop but that was about it. Score changed too fast for them to follow. Parts of the game were too loud for them—something they didn’t enjoy. The best part of the game for them was watching the Jazz Bear. Might wait a few years before trying this one again. Might consider some Utah Flash games if the chance arises. Those games aren’t as noisy and they won’t have to watch Carlos Boozer screw things up.

Fathers and Sons and College Football

One of my earliest memories is attending a college football game with my dad. I was four or five at the time when he took me to Romney Stadium to watch Utah State take on BYU. I don’t remember who won but I do remember sitting near the top of the stadium watching a packed stadium of people enjoy the game. I also remember feeling really special that I could go to such a big event with my dad who was usually busy working to support a family and trying to finish his MFA.

As the years passed, my dad and I bonded a lot over football. There were Denver Broncos games that were watched fairly religiously every Sunday and a period of a few years when I was a teenager when he bought a family pass to Utah State games and most Saturdays would take the hour drive to Logan and watch most of their home games. Those were good times--even if Utah State fielded an awful team (and even worse schedule) year after year.

Though I don’t watch as much football as I did ten or even fifteen years ago, I still watch it and, recently, the two oldest boys have enjoyed watching it with me. After seeing their interest in the sport (or at least their interest in spending time with Dad), this weekend I took them up to Ogden so they could watch their first college football game and get some good bonding time with dad.

Taking 5- and 3-year-old boys to a game was somewhat of a gamble since I didn’t know if they’d have an attention span to sit through a three hour game. Unlike watching a game at home where they can sit on the couch for five minutes, go play with toys, and then come back to the couch, they wouldn’t have many entertainment options at the game.

On the other hand, if I was going to take them to a game, Weber State games are a great environment for kids to develop an interest in the game. Since Weber State plays in the football championship subdivision and has three Division I teams within a 90 minute drive of their stadium, most college football fans in the state don’t even know or care what the Wildcats are doing. The fans that do show up are passionate without being over-the-top about their team. And since the 15,000 seat stadium is usually half-full, there’s plenty of room for little kids to spread out and run around if they get restless. And since the stadium is small, there’s not a bad seat in the house so they’re always close to the action.

We showed up to the game 10 minutes before kickoff. I bought the boys some kettle corn and something to drink and we settled into the general admission seats just as the game started.

The boys were too busy munching kettle corn to pay much attention to the first few minutes of the game. But once the settled down, I was surprised by how much they actually watched the game. They learned to cheer when “the purple team” did something good and “the white team” messed up. By halftime the 5 year old was able to read the scoreboard. And in the third quarter, when the 3 year old got tired, he simply used Dad’s leg as a pillow for a quarter but kept his eyes on the field and would occasionally ask a question about what happened.

But they were both awake and active through the fourth quarter, and, in the end, they sat through the whole game. And even though Weber State lost, as we climbed in the van to go home both boys told me how much fun they had and asked if we could go to another game soon.

I told them there was another game in two weeks and, if they wanted, I’d take them to it.

The boys excitedly said “Yes!”

As I drove home and listened to the boys talk to each other and laugh, I realized that, as a dad, I couldn’t have asked for a better afternoon with my sons.

My Super Bowl XLIII Prediction

I haven’t followed football as closely this season as I have in years past. Still, I was as floored as anyone when the Arizona Cardinals dumped the Falcons, Panthers, and Eagles on their way to the Super Bowl XLIII.

Everyone is touting the Cardinals as a sad-sack organization that won’t stand a chance against the vaulted Pittsburgh Steelers.

I don’t see it.

They have a starting quarterback who’s won the big game already and has plenty of weapons to throw too. Their defense had no problem stopping the best teams in the NFC. Yes, the Steelers have QB that's played in the big game but Roethlisberger's play hasn't been consistent. Watch for Arizona will find a way to stop them when they really need to.

The Steelers are a good team – don’t get me wrong. It’s just that the Cardinals have the intangible factors of momentum and underdog spirit that’s going to carry them past the Steelers and a victory in their very first Super Bowl appearance.

Look for the Cardinals to jump out to a large and early lead. The Steelers will rally in the second half and close the gap to a touchdown in the last five minutes of the fourth quarter but, unfortunately for them, Roethlisberger won’t be able to tie it before the clock runs out.

Final score: Arizona 31 Pittsburg 24

Utes Prove Why BCS Schools Fear College Football Playoff

Final score from the Sugar Bowl: Utah 31 Alabama 17.

This is why BCS schools resist a college football playoff: They’re worried that some unheralded team from an “weak” conference will run the table and beat more storied, talented programs. BCS schools would loose their recruiting edge and suddenly college football teams would be a lot more balanced on the whole.

I think if there was a playoff system this year the Utes would have run the table and knocked off anyone in their path including Oklahoma and Florida*.

Congratuations, Utah.

Too bad you play in such a crappy post-season known as the BCS.

* I'm not a Ute fan. Just a football fan who wishes college football had a post season worth watching.

My Super Bowl XLII Pick

After the big game on Sunday, the New England Patriots are going to be known as the first 19-0 team in NFL history or the team that laid the biggest egg in this history of professional football.

Either way the New York Giants are going to be overshadowed by what is probably the best NFL team to ever play the game. Even if they manage to beat the Patriots (which they won’t), everyone will be talking the next day about what the Patriots did wrong and not what the Giants did right.

A lot of people are sure the Patriots are going to blow out the Giants. Last time I checked, the Patriots were 12 point favorites in Vegas.

I don’t buy it.

The Giants are on the upswing coming off three road playoff victories including a great victory on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. They have momentum and nothing to lose by throwing everything at the Patriots – something I fully expect them to do. They’ll make it interesting but it won’t be enough.

The Patriots looked awful against the Chargers and if it wasn’t for their defense, the Chargers would be the AFC Champions. But that’s what makes the Patriots such a good team. If one part of their team breaks down, the rest of the team more than makes up for it. Tom Brady can have an awful day (3 INTs against the Chargers) but their defense will rise to the occasion and stop the other team. Someone is injured and they have someone just as good to take their place. There’s just no way to win against a team like that.

I expect the Giants to put up a good fight – even a better fight than they did in the last game of the regular season against the Patriots – and make the game exciting from start to finish. However, they’ll lose it the waning moments to a Patriots touchdown or field goal.

Patriots 24 Giants 21

How to Fix the NFL Playoffs

Satire: How to Fix the NFL Playoffs  The NFL needs experts and computers decide what teams are truly worthy to advance to the Super Bowl.

Those cries of despair you heard after last Sunday’s NFL Divisional Playoff games weren’t from distraught Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts fans mourning the upsets of their highly touted teams. Rather, it was from professional football fans around the world that now have to settle for a low quality AFC and NFC championship matchups.

Instead of watching Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts defend their Super Bowl title against the undefeated New England Patriots, we’ll be forced to watch a bunch of nobodies try to stop Tom Brady.

Zzzzzzz.

And we won’t be wondering if Jessica Simpson will curse Tony Romo into playing poorly against the Green Bay Packers. Instead the other, unheralded Manning (What’s his name? Oh yeah, Eli.) slide around on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

Boring.

The NFL owes it to its fans to deliver high quality postseason matchups – one with overhyped stories and intriguing rematches that professional football fans live for. To avoid even the possibility of letting down their fans next year, the NFL needs a system where only the best teams are selected to play in the AFC and NFC Championship Games. You know, one where sports writers, coaches, and computers decide what teams are truly worthy to advance to the Super Bowl.

And no one knows better how to pick champions than college football.

Since 1998 college football has used the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) to pick teams to play for the national title with wild success. If the BCS has taught us anything, it’s that many schools simply don’t deserve a shot at upsetting, more highly respected football programs. This year Hawaii got a shot at BCS glory and they were pounded by Georgia 41-10.

Face it: The AFC West was this year’s equivalent of college football’s Western Athletic Conference. Even letting the Chargers play the Colts was an insult to the defending Super Bowl champions. Instead of holding Wild Card and Divisional playoff games, the NFL should have simply let the sports writers take a poll and runs some stats through a computer program or two to determine the best teams.

The results would have undoubtedly put the Colts against the Patriots and the Packers against the Cowboys. These matchups are what every real NFL fan wanted to see this Sunday and the Chargers and Giants would be where they really belong — at home watching the game on TV instead of being anywhere in the vicinity of a football field. Instead, football fans have to settle for games without the hype and interest that computers and sports writers could have given us.

A BCS-type system for the NFL's postseason would have other advantages too. Pitting the two best teams in each conference would guarantee a quality Super Bowl. The way the system is set up right now we could be watching the Giants play the Chargers on February 3.

Please.

Not even a glitzy ad with a naked supermodel could get me to watch that game.

And with no Wild Card or Divisional Playoff games to watch we’ll get weeks of incredible, important hype in the papers, television, and online about intriguing quarterback matchups, which athlete is dating which supermodel, and the latest allegations against Randy Moss. The NFL owes its fans high-quality postseason matchups.

Going to a BCS-like system and eliminating the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs is the only way to ensure exciting, memorable postseason games every year.

This column was first published on BlogCritcs.org.