How to Write a (Grief) Memoir

Since this post is on memoirs, a bit of shameless self-promotion: I’m teaching a memoir writing class in Ephraim, Utah on April 9. Don’t have full details as to where the class will be taught but it is part of Write Here in Ephraim Conference that will include many other wonderful authors and presenters. Stay tuned for details. If you’re in the area and want to know the ins and outs of memoir writing, I’d love to have you attend.

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Ever since The New York Times slammed Joyce Carol Oates memoir, A Widow’s Story, there’s been uproar in the widow(er) community about the review with many widow(er)s saying that the reviewer just doesn’t “get” what’s it’s like to be a widow. I haven’t read JCO’s memoir so I can’t say whether or not the book is worthy of the criticism it received. Thanks to a reader’s tip, I read an excerpt in The New Yorker. Though I was impressed with JCO’s prose, I found the telling of the last week of her husband’s life and first few hours of widowhood similar to what you might find on a recent widow blog. And, in my mind, that’s a problem.

Blogs aren’t memoirs. They have a different purpose and audience. When done well, blogs are vignettes that focus on one moment and give the reader some insight into that incident or person. Memoirs have more meat. Instead of focusing on a day or special moment, modern memoirs usually focus on a major event (or series of events) where the author learns something from the experience and shares it with the reader.

Maybe when I read JCO’s work in its entirety, I’ll feel different. But the little bit I read seemed like something lifted from a personal journal. It’s interesting if you know the person but utterly lacking the depth necessary to give the reader insight into losing a spouse. (I’m going to order the book later this week. However if any readers know of any more online excerpts, please email me or leave a note in the comment section below.)

So what does it take to write a good memoir? Five things immediately come to mind. (For those looking write a memoir on a different subject, just replace grief theme with whatever the crux of your experience is about. The suggestions below still apply.)

  1. Your story needs to be unique. You lost a spouse. So what. Millions of people lose a spouse every year. What makes your spouse’s death and your journey so different that other people will want to read it? You aren’t the first person to walk this path. To get the attention of agents, publishers, and readers your experience has to something unique about their story that makes it stand out from the crowd.
  2. You need to offer new insight on the subject. Many books have been written on losing a spouse. Most of them might as well be carbon copies of each other. What has your experience/journey taught you that may not be known by those who have written or walked down the same path? For example, most widow(er)s learn that life goes on and they can be happy again after losing a spouse. While that insight may be new to the writer, it’s not an earth shattering concept to most people. To make it worth the reader’s time, you need to offer some insight or unique perspective into death, grieving, moving on, etc. that other people may not have noticed.
  3. You need to be honest. With memoirs—especially grief memoirs—authors have a tendency to turn themselves look like a tragic hero for going through the experience. They don’t want to make themselves appear human. Big mistake. Even widow(er)s have flaws and make bad decisions. You need to appear just as human as the next person or the reader will feel you’ve been less than truthful and will blow your credibility. With a memoir you never want the reader to feel that way about you.
  4. You need to know how to tell a story. Good writers know what events to include and what events to leave out of their memoirs. For example, there’s no need to include the funeral of the late spouse unless something happened there that’s important to the story or can offer the reader some bit of insight into yourself or your culture that can’t come out in another part of the story. Otherwise you’re just filling up the book with pointless information and wasting the reader’s time. Good writers also know how to make quotidian events come alive and paint a vivid picture in the reader’s head. (Side note: This is one thing JCO is very good at.) They know how to take an event like death and widow(er)hood and make it interesting to the reader instead of it simply feeling like they’re reading something they’ve read a hundred times before. Being able to do this is a very difficult talent to master.
  5. Your book needs to appeal to a wide audience. Good memoirs will appeal to their target audience. Great memoirs appeal to a wider audience. If you write a grief memoir and get positive feedback from other widow(er)s, you’ve probably done a decent job writing what it’s like to lose a spouse. However, when you start getting good reviews and feedback from those who have no clue what it’s like to lose a spouse, then you know you’ve written a compelling memoir with the depth and insight needed (see #2) to get people to look at the world I a different way. These are the kinds of memoirs that agents and publishers are interested in.

When I do get around to reading, JCO’s memoir, the above five points are the standard I'll review it against. Once it arrives via Amazon, it goes to the top of my reading stack.

The Passive Voice and the Business of Writing

For those writers and authors (or aspiring writers and authors) who follow this blog, a writer friend of mine has started a blog on writing and the business of writing called The Passive Voice. The blog consists of excerpts to news articles, blogs, and other resources along with my friend's commentary on it. It's a great resource for anyone with an interest in writing and publishing but, like me, doesn’t have  a lot of time to search out various blogs and news articles on the subject.  For those who are interested in these sorts of things, it's well worth a once-a-day visit.

Worst Book Ever

Note: Be sure to read the Update/Correction below.

Most of my published author friends have a book or two that’s saved on their hard drive that will never see the light of day. They’re usually books that the author wrote early in their careers—usually before they had any kind of publishing contract. They could never find a publisher for the novel (or didn’t try) and moved on to other projects. Though the books were never published, they served as good learning experiences for the authors on what to do (or what not to do) when writing fiction.

I have one of these “learning” books on my hard drive. Between Room for Two and The Third, I wrote a novel titled Angel of Light. It was my first real attempt to write a novel and I’ll flat out admit that it sucks. However, writing Angel of Light was a good learning experience for me. It taught me that I write better with an outline, that I need to work on my dialogue, and that I do a decent job hooking the reader at the end of every chapter. Without putting effort into writing that book, odds are The Third would have never been good enough to find a publisher.

One of the lessons most these author friends have continually taught is not to be tempted to rewrite these books or resubmit them for publication no matter how much the author is in love with them. Why? Because making these books public generally drags down an author’s career not only in terms of sales but loyal readers. Once an author puts crap out there, he or she risks that it will be the first book a reader picks up. And if the book is awful, odds are they’re never going to touch another one of your books again. That’s why, aside from Marathon Girl, no one will ever read Angel of Light. I will never rewrite it or even attempt to have it published. It will remain on my computer until they pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Even then I hope to have the presence of mind to nuke that part of the hard drive before I pass on.)

So it’s sad when a talented author like Harlan Coben makes this mistake with his novel Play Dead. I like Coben’s novels and have been reading them voraciously since I discovered his books last year. But Play Dead is a torture to read. The characters have no depth and the reader hardly cares about them. The dialogue sucks. The plot had enough big holes that a three 747s could easily fly through them. The only reason I kept reading the book was because I thought there was no way the book could get any worse.

I was wrong. It got worse. Way worse. When I done reading it, I felt like I had been forced to watch Glitter and Gigli at the same time! As a result there are hours of my life and a million brains cells that I’ll never get back.

Granted, Coben warns the reader at the beginning of the book that he hasn’t “read Play Dead in at least twenty years” and that “it’s exact book I wrote when I was in my early twenties, just a naive lad working in the travel industry….”He also accurately compares the book to “that essay you wrote when you were in school, the one that got you an A-plus on, the one your teacher called “inspired”—and one day you’re going through your drawer and you find it and you read it and your heart sinks and you say, ‘Man, what was I thinking?’”

My question to Coben is this: since you knew this book sucked, what were you thinking by publishing it? Play Dead reads just like one of those novels that never should have been published—EVER. Even you seem to know this but pushed it through anyway? Are you short on cash? Is someone blackmailng you?

I only wish I had read the warning before I started reading chapter 1 because I never would have read it otherwise.

For readers, unless you’re looking for 101 class on how not to write a novel, avoid even touching Play Dead. Your brain cells will thank you for it.

Update/Correction: Harlan Coben came across this review and emailed me a correction that I’ll pass on. Apparently Play Dead was Coben’s first novel and was published back in 1990. The version I was reading is a 2010 reprint. It’s NOT a book that he pulled out of the drawer after 20 years and decided to push through the publishing mill.

This error was my mistake. After I finished reading Play Dead and seeing how it wasn’t even close to the quality of other Coben novels I’ve read, I flipped to the beginning of the novel where I read his author’s note. After reading that and seeing the 2010 copyright date, I wrongly assumed it was something he decided to publish after he had become a successful writer.

So, I apologize for the misunderstanding, Mr. Coben. I appreciate you taking the time to email me and offer the correction. So you know, I’ve enjoyed every other book of yours thus far and am looking forward to reading Live Wire when it’s released in March. Had I known this was your first novel when I was reading it, I would have been a bit more understanding as a reader. You’re a talented writer and have come a long way since Play Dead.

For readers, I retract the reasons behind the publication of Play Dead but stand by my review of the book. It isn’t Coben’s finest work.If you’re interested in reading his novels, I suggest starting with some of his standalone novels like Just One Look or Hold Tight. If you enjoy those, then check out his Myron Bolitar novels staring with Deal Breaker.

Creative Writing Goals 2011

 

After singing Auld Lang Syne at midnight, I’ll dive right in to accomplishing my 2011 creative writing resolutions. This year’s creative writing goals include:

  • Have the Dating a Widower book available by end of January. I finally finished rewriting the latest draft this week and have an editor queued up to do a final review of it. Providing the editor doesn’t have substantial changes, it should be out an available on Amazon by late January.
  • Have a final, polished draft of a novel that I hope will take me to the national market. Code named “White Whale” I’ll be pitching it to an agent the first week of May at a writer’s conference. The clock is ticking on this one. All I have right now is an outline.
  • Wrap up the sequel to The Third. The first draft is almost done but need to get it polished by fall should the publisher pick up the option to do the next book in the trilogy.

And if I can accomplish all that, 2011 will be a very successful year indeed—at least when it comes to writing. And to keep me honest, I'll be posting regular progress on this blog.

Hope you all have a happy and healthy 2011.

NaNoWriMo Reflections

The stars aligned perfectly so year so I could finally give NaNoWriMo a shot this year. For those who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it’s basically a goal of writing a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. And though you can see from the above badge, I didn’t make the 50,000 word goal (or my original 80,000 word goal), I actually enjoyed the challenge and consider it a success because it got me writing every day in November and I was able to complete about 40% of a novel that’s been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of years.

And though the month is over I’m still trying to wrap up the first draft of the novel by year’s end. And even though NaNoWriMo’s over, I got Judd and his gang kicking my butt to finish it by then or else there’ll be some sort of hell to pay. Don’t worry, boys, I’m on it!

Now that I’ve given NaNoWriMo a shot, I think it’s a good exercise for anyone who wants to write a book. If anything, it got be back in the habit of writing every day instead of three or so times a week. And now that I’ve got my daily writing time set aside, I think I’ll be able to finish this novel but others are constantly sloshed around in my brain.

The only thing I didn’t like about it was that I felt I had to meet the 50,000 word goal or else I was some sort of failure. The reason I only ended up with just under 36,000 words is that about half way through the month was that the novel, at least way I had outlined, just stopped working. I went back and reread what I penned and realized that I could take some time and rewrite several chapters or I could push another 25,000 words and “win” or I could try to do it right the first time. I opted for the latter knowing that I’d just be wasting my time trying to push out words that had zero chance of being used.

In any event, now that I’m back on the writing bandwagon now it’s time for DeNoWirMo and then 2011NoWriYr. If all goes well, I hope to be able to have another novel ready for a publisher by spring. And that would be a real victory.

Finally Doing National Novel Writing Month

I first heard about National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) back in 2002. I thought it was a cool idea to try to write a novel in a month. But since I was in a critical relationship month with Marathon Girl, I told myself I’d do it next year. The next year came and I was in the middle of slogging through the first draft of my memoir. It wasn’t a project I could rush so I pushed it off another year. Every November after it seemed like I was working another writing project that couldn’t be rushed, in the middle of edits with a publisher, or had just finished a novel and was too burned out to start a new project.

This year, however, the wrings stars have aligned. The final manuscript of The Third has been sent to the publisher, the second round of the Dating a Widower guide is just about done, and I have an outline for a novel that I wrote over the summer that’s screaming to be started. In short not only am I ready to write the first draft of a novel in a month, I’m positive I can do it.

The goal, at least for me, isn’t to write a publishable manuscript in 30 days. If I didn’t have a fulltime job, a family, and other responsibilities, I could probably come close to cranking out a publishable manuscript in 30 days. My NaNoWriMo goal is to simply write an approximate 80,000 word first draft. If I could do that, I could probably have an editable manuscript by the end of the year.

For those who want to track my NaNoWriMo progress, I’ll add a widget to my home page and the side bar of this blog November 1. (I’d add them now but NaNoWriMo isn’t going to make any of their widgets available until November 1.)

Finally, if any readers or writing friends are giving NaNoWriMo a shot, leave a comment or email me your handle and I’ll add you to my NaNoWriMo buddy list. If you want to add me, my NaNoWriMo handle is abelkeogh.

Looking forward to a month of intensive writing.

I Already Wrote THAT Book

The scene: A waiting area at a car dealership. I've brought my laptop so I can write while I wait. An older gentleman with a thick book in his hand takes the seat next to me and glances at my computer screen. Old Man: What you writing, your memoirs?

Me: I already wrote my memoir. I'm working on a novel.

Old Man: ~laughs~ "That's a good one!"

The old man slaps me on the knee, stands up, and walks away.

Update: The guy turned out to be really cool. After he come back to the waiting area we ended up talking. Turns out he's an avid readers and got a kick out of meeting a writer. On his way out the door he told everyone else in the waiting room to buy both my books.

Why People Read

Why People Read

Author James Collins has an essay over at The New York Times where he frets over not being able to remember the plot to most of the books he’s read. Then he wonders why we read books if we can’t remember what’s in them.

After reading Collins’ essay, I scanned my own bookshelves (sorry, I don’t have a Kindle or Nook—yet) to see how many books I could remember the plot. I don’t know if I have a better memory than Collins or just read more interesting books, but I could remember the basic plot and main characters for at least half of the books on my shelf. Surprisingly half that I couldn’t recall included books by some of my favorite authors. But even if I couldn’t recall the plot, I certainly remember how I felt reading pretty much every book on my shelf.

And therein lies the answer to Collins’ question. People read for the same reasons they watch TV or a movie: they want to be transported to another time, place, or world. They look for characters they can identify with. It’s not Elvis Cole or Bilbo Baggins going off to save the day—it’s the reader himself going on these fantastic journeys. They don’t read to remember the plot, they read to escape reality for a short time.

Ironically Collins misses this very point in his essay—despite spending the first two paragraphs recalling how reading Allen Weinstien’s Perjury made him want to read all day instead of boating and fishing while on a summer vacation in New Hampshire. Instead he focuses on the “aesthetic and literary pleasure” and knowledge one gains by reading. This may be something English professors and their students may open a book for but most people just want something that will take them somewhere else.

The books that I can recall the plot and characters the best are the ones that resonated with me most. Growing up I loved reading Batman comics because Batman generally did everything without the help of others or super powers. It was something my loner teenage self could relate to. Those same loner feelings are what draws me to Lee Child’s Jack Reacher novels. Pleasant childhood memories of summer and baseball is why I enjoyed Michael Chabon’s Summerland and David Horowitz’s autobiography Radical Son struck a chord politically.

Though Collins never figures out why people read, at least he doesn’t feel that time spent reading was a waste of time. But since he’s a writer, Collins better figure out why people read if he wants to have a shot at becoming successful.

The Third Q&A

Q: I’m excited that The Third found a new home. Who’s publishing it? A: Cedar Fort. The same publisher who took Room for Two.

Q: I can’t wait to read it. Any idea when it will be released?

A: The tentative release date is between April-June 2011. But that could change. When I get a more firm date, I’ll post it here.

Q: Did you think you’d find a new publisher so soon?

A: I was a little surprised, yes. I thought I was looking at least a year before I could share good news with everyone. When you have a good story, it makes it easier to find a publisher.

Q: I’ve read some sample chapters and love them. Are you planning on more stories with Ransom, Teya, and Dragomir?

A: I have a sequel to The Third that’s halfway done. The sales of The Third will drive whether or not I finish it. In the meantime, I’m busy with other writing projects.

Q: Other writing projects? Like what?

A: I’m working on a short guide for women dating widowers. I’m hoping to have that out in the next month or two. I also have another novel—unrelated to The Third—that’s in the first draft. I’m hoping to have that one finished by the end of the year.

Q: Can you give us any hint on what that book's about?

A: Not right now. It's too early in the process to know if it's going to be worth publishing.