How do you get over things you've heard, such as stories about the widower and his late wife, and seen, such as happy photos of them together. that you can never unhear or unsee? Relationship coach Abel Keogh, has the answer.
Transcript follows:
Hi, it’s Wednesday, and that means it’s time for another video edition of Widower Wednesday. I’m Abel Keogh, author of the book Dating a Widower and today we’re going to answer a question from a viewer that asks:
“How do you get over things you've heard, such as stories about the widower and his late wife, and seen, such as happy photos of them together. that you can never unhear or unsee?! All going so well, together but I'm just completely hijacked by memories. What’s the best way to deal with this?”
Great question and I’m sharing this with the person’s permission. I’m going to answer this in two parts. The first part is this why I caution those who are dating widows or widowers to be careful about how much they learn about the late husband or late wife. Yes, you need to know somethings in order to better understand the widow or widower you’re dating but you can go to far and see photos or hear stories that make you think that the widow or widower would be happier with their late spouse or that you’ll never be able to have the wonderful relationship that they shared. So be cautious about how much information you ask for because you can’t unsee or unhear things.
Now, if you have seen or heard things that you wish you hadn’t, the best way to overcome this is to make new memories with the widow or widower you’re dating. Find things to do and places to go that will build new memories together. As you build a new life and enjoy new experiences, these new memories will eventually put the ones you wish you hadn’t seen or heard to bed.
Triggers happen and there’s not much you can do about being triggered. Widows and widowers are also triggered constantly about memories of their late spouse and we expect them to deal with those memories in a healthy way, we too should find healthy ways to overcome flashbacks to things we wish we hadn’t seen or heard. It could be something like going for a walk to clear your head or recalling something loving that the widow or widower recently said. You might have to try different things until you figure out what works for you. But what’s most important is instead of dwelling on things you can’t control, find a way to focus on the positive things and blessings in your life. You’ll be happier and your relationship with a widow or widower will be better off as a result.
I’m Abel Keogh, author of the book Dating a Widower, if you want to talk about your relationship, schedule a coaching session in the link in the description below. Like this video, leave a comment, and don’t forget to subscribe, and I’ll see you all next Wednesday.