Discover the keys to finding clarity and direction in widower dating. In this insightful video, relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh, offers invaluable advice on navigating the often conflicting internet guidance about dating, grieving, and starting a new chapter after loss. Learn how to identify your relationship goals, seek advice from those who have successfully walked the path, and cut through the noise to create a meaningful and fulfilling Chapter 2.
Transcript follows:
Hi, it's Wednesday and that means it's time for another video edition of Widower Wednesday.
I'm Abel Keough, author of the book, Dating a Widower, and today we are going to discuss conflicting internet advice about dating, grieving, and moving on and starting Chapter 2 with someone else.
The idea for this video comes from an email that a viewer sent in and I'm sharing it with her permission and the email goes like this.
She writes, Abel, I'm currently dating a widower whose wife died a year and a half ago.
My widower belongs to several different widower and online grief groups.
He gets a lot of conflicting advice on these sites.
Some widowers say that he should keep wearing his wedding ring and keep the photos of him and the late wife up, and that any woman who feels threatened by these things is insecure.
Other widowers, like you, say these things need to go if he's in an exclusive relationship.
Other widowers fall somewhere in the middle.
This has led to a lot of confusion for him and kind of stalled him and our relationship in progress.
What advice would you give him and other widowers who are in this situation?
So it's a great question, and this is a common predicament, because there is lots of information out there.
It can be hard to sort through the noise.
And in fact, it's kind of the opposite of the problem I had.
When I was widowed, there was like no information out there.
This was early internet days, and there was like no information out there and I was like seeking for any kind of information.
Now we've kind of turned it and there's almost too much.
But there are things that I can recommend that widows and widowers do to kind of sort through some of the noise and focus on the voices that can help them the most.
So the first thing that widows and widowers need to do is they need to figure out what it is they want this next chapter of their life to look like.
Do you want to work through your grief and be happy again?
Do you want a relationship?
And if you want a relationship, What kind of relationship do you want?
Do you want marriage?
Do you want partnership?
Do you want something more casual?
So the key to sorting, the first key to sorting through all the noise and all the different opinions out there is knowing exactly what you want.
Now, if you know what you want, Then you need to search for people that have successfully walked the walk.
So for example, say you are a widow or a widower and at some point you would like to get in a serious relationship and get married again, or at least be in a long-term relationship, something like that.
So If that's the kind of life that you want, if that's the next chapter of your life, what you want it to look like, then you need to seek out voices of those widows and widowers who have successfully done that.
I'm not just talking someone, or widow or widower, who was able to get married, but someone who's been married for several years.
And the reason I say that is because the divorce rate for widows and widowers is extremely high.
I mean, second marriages already have a high divorce rate.
You throw the widow or widower factor in there, and the divorce rate goes up even more.
So it's really seeking out people who kind of have the life that you want, who have accomplished what it is that you want to do, and kind of proven in the sense that they didn't just get married like last week or six months ago, maybe they've been married for a few years and you can kind of tell that they have a happy relationship.
So it's just like with anything, if you're taking marriage advice or relationship advice, you don't want to take it from people who have had a bunch of unsuccessful relationships, right?
If you're looking for any kind of relationship advice, you want to go to those who have had successful relationships who know how to navigate the you know, the Challenges that come up.
I mean and this is true not just for relationships But for anything if you were seeking financial advice, Would you go to Warren Buffett and ask him?
You know how to how how to invest and how to become rich or would you go to someone who?
Just declared bankruptcy and ask them for advice or if you were looking to get fit and to get in shape Would you take it from someone who wasn't fair to you know?
Who was in shape Or would you take it from someone who was obese and out of shape?
You know, it's it's really it's again I understand there's lots of noise and there's lots of voices out there But you need to be able to understand exactly what it is that you want and then find those people Who have lived that life who have kind of gone through and navigated some of these challenges and those are the people that you want to listen to.
Because once you know what it is that you want, it's a lot easier to cut through the noise and focus on those who have successfully walked the walk.
Don't let those who don't have the same goals, the same desires, and the same wants as you tell you how to live your life.
It's pretty easy.
It's pretty clear.
It's that way.
So again, just seek out those who have successfully done it.
Again, that's why I do what I do.
In part is because, you know, I've had a successful Chapter 2 for 20 years now, I've helped thousands of people decide what it is that they want and move forward.
If you want to schedule a coaching session and talk about it, we can do that as well.
But go ahead and share your thoughts on this below, like the video, share it, leave your own comments about the voices out there but really it's knowing what you want and focusing on those people that want the same thing I'm Abel Keough author of the book dating a widower and I'll see you next Wednesday Thank you.
Thank