I’m in the midst of finishing up the widower dating guide with a deadline of getting things to my editor no later than March 15. Therefore today’s post will be brief.
I was reading a philosophy book the other day and the following quote from the book made me stop and think:
"Love is for its own sake. It works only as a gift, never as a reward. It can't be earned or bartered or insured. It is a grace and it is freely given or not given at all."
Though that chapter of the book had nothing to do with dating, marriage or anything like it, it made me stop and think about some of emails that fill my inbox on a daily basis.
It takes the effort of two people to make a relationship work. If one person isn’t giving it their all or simply not as invested in the relationship (or its future) as the other person, at some point it will fall apart. Often the person who is trying the hardest to make things work wants things to work so bad they’ll do just about anything to make the other person care more about them and their relationships. Sometimes they’ll put up with bad behavior from the widower or his kids. Other times they’ll give up their careers, spend lots of money on the other person, or move halfway across the country in hopes that these actions will make the other person and appreciate them more.
Sadly, these sacrifices rarely, if ever, pay off. Usually the person who gave up everything is often left with nothing but a broken heart.
So if you find yourself in a relationship with a widower who doesn’t care about you or the relationship as much as you, stop trying to make him love you. Either he will give you his entire heart, or he won’t give you any of it. There’s not a lot of middle ground and nothing you can do to make him open it up to you. He will either love you for who you are or he won’t love you at all.